MASSAGE

One of the local colleges opens in the afternoons for the students to give massages. First one is $5. Great deal.  My husband booked me in for a massage. I go in and "Dillon" is my masseuse for the session.  He asked me questions about my medical history and tells me what to do while he goes outside and waits. I ask "do I take off my blouse" - he is going to use oil on me so would think I take it off. Well I guess I was to much woman for the boy.  I lay there waiting and waiting and waiting some more - playing with my hands, trying to touch the floor (you get the jest). After 10 minutes of listening to other people next to me getting their massage the head instructor comes in and ask me to step outside. I get up, put on my blouse and out I go. She says "Dillon has fainted and has gone to the hospital so we will have to reschedule"   Really - my girlfriend told me next time to leave on my towel.  I called the next day to see how Dillon was doing and he was back at the school. Guess it was me. 

COWBOY CANDY

My girlfriend in Georgia is always poting things on facebook about her cooking/pickling etc. She made me very curious about her COWBOY CANDY. I made a batch this past week and everyone loved them.   So my husband took it upon himself to go out and buy a batch of jalapenos and cut them up for me to make some more.  Little did he know he should have worn gloves when cutting the jalapenos up. He just called me practically crying on the phone. He went to the washroom and now has a burning sensation. Apparently it takes about 4 hours for the jalapenos to "wear of your hands" before you should tough anything such as eyes, nose, lips, (you get my drift)

Pickling season

This year I had a lot of tomatos. Made lots of salsa. Have never made chow chow before so though that with all the green tomatos I would make some. My father loved it. He came up a few days ago looking for koko. I am like "what is koko" he is "I want some more of that koko. I don't know what your talking about, I say. He says "koko - the stuff you made".  I have the koko a bottle of koko LOLOL

Frequency

Haven't written in quite some time - figured it was time again to start writing - why keep this "funny" to myself.
As many of you know, my parents moved into our extension 2 years ago. Last evening at supper time my husband and myself are having a quiet dinner when we hear a tv on and its really loud. We were wondering if it was dad but if it had been him the tv would have been muffled because of the door between our place and their's. We go down stairs figuring our tv in our bedroom had popped on. No, it was the tv in the washroom. Now this tv is only used when my husband is soaking in the tub with the jets going watching a football game  - that is why it is so loud.  We turn it down and turn it off. A minute later it pops back on.  I go out to visit my parents and to see if dad has been playing with remotes. We came to the conclusion that when dad turns on the tv in his bedroom it turns on the tv in my bathroom. Not sure why is there is no direct access to each tv and it has never happened in the 2 years they have lived there.  Around 9:30 last night my tv poped back on. I go visit dad and he is sitting in his living room. Figured my theory was gone but he said he had just went into his bedroom to turn on the tv as he was going to bed to watch the ball game.

WELL 3 this morning, dad woke to check the score of the game and guess what happened, my tv popped on. I turned the volume off and decided since I'm up I would go to the washroom. On the way out my tv popped back on again.  Come to the conclusion when dad turns off his tv it also either turns off my tv or turns it on.   At 6 this morning when I got up for the day the tv was on again - I just walked out and got a coffee. Not playing that game LOL

Something is BLOWING in the wind

I get into work this morning and realize I have to go to the washroom (#1) I sit and all of a sudden I feel something blowing on my "privates". It is blowing the whole time I am peeing. And it is icy cold. I'll I think (I think I actually said this out loud) "omg is there a rat in the toilot blowing on me". I finish and jump up all freaked out. Look down and there was no water in the toilot. It was air from the pipes coming up and blowing on me. THANK GOD. For those who know me, know that this was a dramatic moment in the washroom.

which shoe goes on which foot

I have a bad habit (or good to me) of taking my shoes of at work while under my desk. Just went to go to the printer and couldn't get my shoe on. Looked down and was trying to put the left shoe on the right foot. AND ITS ONLY MONDAY.
Started "Jillian Michaels - 30 day shread" It says I should loose 20 lbs in 30 days. I tell you, the first 4 minutes were a breeze. The next 16 minutes were pure hell. I kept saying I hate you Jillian. But after the 20 minute work out I felt good. Only have one pulled muscle in my shoulder - which is good for me. Back at it again tonight - I am thinking I should have lost 3/4 of a lb last night.

Montreal Canadiens and Xmas

My husband had seen a picture at Cosco last week of the Montreal Canadiens. It cost $299. + 15% tax. I say "you have no where to hang this picture" he has that all figured out. OK REALLY I have spent about $500 on him already but don't want him to know that. We didn't get the pic. Yesterday I was thinking about the pic and was trying to figure out how to get it without him knowing. I don't have a membership so have to rely on other people to buy stuff for me. I decide to take my "partner in crime" sister B with me and use her membership. Last night my 2 sisters living here and myself go out to supper so figure I would go after. Well doesn't my husband have to come to that area of town and goes to a restaurant down the road. His daughter text me and says they will wait for me to go pick up groceries after supper. No one ever wants to go pick up groceries with me. OK so I figure out plan B - L at work has a membership so on our lunch break today we go over to Cosco and get the picture. The think is about 4 feet high. I can't push the giant cart and see around it at the same time. So i push a foot or two then look out around the pic then I push a little further and stop to look. People are in a rush in cosco and there are alot of people to avoid with the cart. Men are looking at me with envy - women are looking at me like I'm nuts. We decide to stop for hot dog on the way out, only $1.50 for a dog and drink. WELL who knew it would be so hard to park a giant cart and picture. I am convinced someone is going to steel this master piece. I am like a moron pushing it in around the tables trying not to hit anyone in the process. We finally get to the car AND THE PICTURE WON'T FIT IN MY TRUNK. I have to put it in the back seat which means that I have to carry it up the elevator to my office because, someone might steal it out of my car (dam car got to go). Why didn't I bring the truck today. Would have made my life easier. Now I am figuring how to get it home. Today I have a eye appt on the way home so should I take it and lug it into the eye clinic with me. Remember it is about 4 x 3 maybe even bigger. Or tomorrow I could take it home but I have a hair appt - yet again, I could drag it into the salon with me. Why couldn't my husband want a pair of earrings like a normal person. NO go big or don't go at all is his motto and I have sure lived up to that one today.